Meeting the Universe

This is the first of the Conversations With the Universe.

Hello.

The Universe (U): Oh dear. Another one.

Umm. Hello.

U: Yes, yes, what do you want? Is it a query about which numbers to play in something called a 'lottery', or some strange thing called 'World Peace', or some other nonsense?

Umm. Well, I was just wondering if we could have a chat.

U: A chat? Why don't you just look around. I'm everywhere. Go bother a bird or something.

Well, I figured it might be nice if we could just have a chat. You're pretty complicated, you know, and maybe you could give a few pointers to a stray human. I'm marooned on this planet anyway.

U: Marooned?

OK, 'stuck' might be a better word.

U: 'Stuck'? You're not 'stuck' anywhere. If you were stuck somewhere, you wouldn't be here.

But you're the Universe, and you're everywhere, so I can be stuck anywhere and have this conversation.

U: Oh, you're one of those.

'Those'?

U: Yes, one of those beings who thinks too much. Why don't you go procreate or something. I hear that's supposed to be a lot of fun.

Ahh. Well, that's not an option right now. Procreation requires people to be in the same physical area.

U: Oh. You have a space-time problem. A crazy fellow was up here a few minutes ago, babbling on about marbles and tablecloths, and I just nodded a few times, and he was pretty happy. Anyways, you have apparatus available to get things in the right places.

That sounds like Albert Einstein, and if it was, that was probably over 100 years ago. And getting humans together is a pretty complicated thing at times...

U: Years, minutes, they're all constructions of your mind anyway. And as far as the complications of putting humans together, that's a limiting factor imposed by your own kind.

Huh?

U: This whole 'time' thing you humans came up with makes no sense to me.

Huh?

U: Quit saying, 'huh?'. It's unbecoming in this domain.

OK. So, time doesn't make sense?

U: Of course not.

Do we have it wrong?

U: Well, you don't have it right.

How so?

U: Things either exist or do not exist, and they spend a lot of time in between.

So, I might be in between existing and not existing.

U: Yes.

But then how do I know how long my life is?

U: Oh, now you're bringing life into it based on a misconception of time.

So, you're saying our concept of time is misleading?

U: You humans always have an annoying habit of repeating what I say in your own words. Yes, your concept of time is misleading.

OK. So I'm somewhere in between existing and not existing. What, then, is existence?

U: Good, now you're on the right track. Are you one of those 'René Descartes' cult followers?

Well, I've read some of his work. He has a cult?

U: Yes, he has a cult. All those people wandering around and saying, 'Cogito Ergo Sum.

Oh. 'I think therefore I am'.

U: Yes. Have you spoken with Descartes?

No, he's dead.

U: So, by your reckoning, he's dead - correct?

Yes, he's quite dead. Not even mildly so.

U: So he stopped thinking, then?

Yes, of course he did. He's dead.

U: So by his own definition, he doesn't exist. Which means you shouldn't know anything about him. But he does exist because you do know about him.

So, Descartes was wrong....

U: Well, he wasn't right.

Descartes is dead, but he exists through what he left behind, and therefore cogito ergo sum is meaningless. I get it. But why do you not say someone was wrong and instead say that they aren't 'right'?

U: Because right and wrong are subjective. There is no 'right' or 'wrong', just as there is no 'win' or 'lose'

Err. The World Cup is this year, and that isn't a very popular... but what are you getting at?

U: 'Win' comes from 'to fight' or 'strive'. Originally, it was winnan. Lots of people were talking about the importance of winnan when that word was trendy. Supposedly, it's a process whereby one continues existence. However, these days - as you pointed out - it's got increasingly little to do with existence and more to do with dominance. Winnan was about the process of continuing existence. In the World Cup this year, all teams will continue to exist. Maybe.

But modern culture has all this 'winning' and 'losing'...

U: Yes, yes, very bothersome, but don't say modern culture. The only people concerned about 'winning' or the ones who are already winning. The ones worried about existence are really talking about Winnan. And the 'winning' people are dominant in the 'winning' game because they are the only ones playing.

But in the winning game there are some people who are losing!

U: If they are losing, what are they losing? They are losing based on their concept of winning.

That's not a very direct answer.

U: If you want a direct answer, ask a rock.

Hmm. I sense it's time for me to leave you to do whatever you do.

U: There you go with 'time' again. Go procreate or something, I have other things to do.

I'll be back.

U: Your idle threats do not bother me.