Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.
-- Steve Allen
Impartial observers from other planets would consider ours an utterly bizarre enclave if it were populated by birds, defined as flying animals, that nevertheless rarely or never actually flew. They would also be perplexed if they encountered in our seas, lakes, rivers, and ponds, creatures defined as swimmers that never did any swimming. But they would be even more surprised to encounter a species defined as a thinking animal if, in fact, the creature very rarely indulged in actual thinking.
-- Steve Allen
In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.
-- Steve Allen
Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality
-- Steve Allen
One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.
-- Steve Allen
Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.
-- Steve Allen
Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless.
-- Steve Allen
The purpose of having an open mind is the same as having an open mouth, the object being eventually to close it on something solid. But one should never close either mind or mouth until the general circumstances of the moment make it reasonable to do so.
-- Steve Allen
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