(l)user error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
..disk or the processor is on fire.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
/pub/lunch
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
_Rosin_ core solder? But...
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
According to Microsoft, it's by design
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
All of the packets are empty.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Arcserve crashed the server again.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
asynchronous inode failure
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Atilla the Hub
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Backbone adjustment
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Backbone Scoliosis
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
bad ether in the cables
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Bad user karma.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Big to little endian conversion error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
bit bucket overflow
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Bit rot
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
BNC (brain not connected)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Bogon emissions
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Boredom in the Kernel.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Borg implants are failing
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Borg nanites have infested the server
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Boss' kid fucked up the machine
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
boss forgot system password
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
broadcast packets on wrong frequency
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Budget cuts
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
bugs in the RAID
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Cache miss - please take better aim next time
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
CD-ROM server needs recalibration
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
cellular telephone interference
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Change in Earth's rotational speed
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Change your language to Finnish.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
clock speed
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Collapsed Backbone
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Complete Transient Lockout
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Computers under water due to SYN flooding.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
CPU needs bearings repacked
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
CPU needs recalibration
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
CPU radiator broken
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
crop circles in the corn shell
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Daemon escaped from pentagram
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Daemons did it
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Daemons loose in system.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Decreasing electron flux
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Defunct processes
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
descramble code needed from software company
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Dew on the telephone lines.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Did you pay the new Support Fee?
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
divide-by-zero error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Domain controller not responding
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
doppler effect
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
dry joints on cable plug
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Dumb terminal
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
dynamic software linking table corrupted
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Electricians made popcorn in the power supply
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Electromagnetic energy loss
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Electrons on a bender
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
emissions from GSM-phones
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
endothermal recalibration
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
error: one bad user found in front of screen
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
ether leak
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Evil dogs hypnotised the night shift
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
evil hackers from Serbia.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
excess surge protection
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
failed trials, system needs redesigned
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
fat electrons in the lines
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Fatal error right in front of screen
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Feature not yet implemented
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Feature was not beta tested
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Fiber optics caused gas main leak
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
firewall needs cooling
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Firmware update in the coffee machine
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
first Saturday after first full moon in Winter
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tannenbaum)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
floating point processor overflow
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Fluorescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
fractal radiation jamming the backbone
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
global warming
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
greenpeace free'd the mallocs
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Groundskeepers stole the root password
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
halon system went off and killed the operators.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
hardware stress fractures
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Hash table has woodworm
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Having to manually track the satellite.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
High nuclear activity in your area.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
high pressure system failure
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Hot Java has gone cold
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
improperly oriented keyboard
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
incompatible bit-registration operators
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Incorrect time synchronization
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Increased sunspot activity.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Insert coin for new game
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Interference between the keyboard and the chair.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Interference from lunar radiation
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Interference from the Van Allen Belt.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
internet is needed to catch the etherbunny
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Internet outage
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Internet shut down due to maintenance
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
interrupt configuration error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Ionization from the air-conditioning
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
IRQ dropout
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
it's an ID-10-T error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It's not plugged in.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It's not RFC-822 compliant.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It's stuck in the Web.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It's the InterNIC's fault.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
it has Intel Inside
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterday) (last week) (last month)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It was OK before you touched it.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Jupiter is aligned with Mars.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
LBNC (luser brain not connected)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Lightning strikes.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
loop found in loop in redundant loopback
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
magnetic interference from money/credit cards
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Mail server hit by UniSpammer.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Maintenance window broken
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
manager in the cable duct
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Melting hard drives
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
monitor resolution too high
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
monitor VLF leakage
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Mouse chewed through power cable
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Mouse has out-of-cheese-error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
multicasts on broken packets
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Netscape has crashed
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
network down, IP packets delivered via UPS
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Network failure - call NBC
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeo
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Neutrino overload on the nameserver
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
new management
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
no "any" key on keyboard
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
non-redundant fan failure
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
not approved by the FCC
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Not enough interrupts
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
not enough memory, go get system upgrade
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
not properly grounded, please bury computer
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
only available on a need to know basis
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
OS swapped to disk
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Out of cards on drive D:
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
overflow error in /dev/null
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
paradigm shift...without a clutch
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
parallel processors running perpendicular today
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Password is too complex to decrypt
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
PCMCIA slave driver
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Pentium FDIV bug
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
permission denied
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
piezo-electric interference
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Plasma conduit breach
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Please state the nature of the technical emergency
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-trafficker
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
poor power conditioning
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
popper unable to process jumbo kernel
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
positron router malfunction
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
POSIX compliance problem
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Proprietary Information.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
quantum decoherence
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Radial Telemetry Infiltration
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
radiosity depletion
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Recursive traversal of loopback mount points
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Recursivity. Call back if it happens again.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Redundant ACLs.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Reformatting Page. Wait...
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Rhythmic variations in the voltage reaching the power supply.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Root name servers corrupted.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Root nameservers are out of sync
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
root rot
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Route flapping at the NAP.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
routing problems on the neural net
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
runaway cat on system.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Runt packets
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sand fleas eating the Internet cables
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Satan did it
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Scheduled global CPU outage
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
SCSI's too wide.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
SCSI Chain overterminated
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Second-system effect.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Server depressed, needs Prozac
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
short leg on process table
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
SIMM crosstalk.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
solar flares
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Somebody ran the operating system through a spelling checker.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
somebody was calculating pi on the server
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone is broadcasting pygmy packets and the router doesn't know how to deal with them.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
spaghetti cable cause packet failure
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Standing room only on the bus.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
static buildup
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
static from nylon underwear
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
static from plastic slide rules
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
sticktion
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
sticky bit has come loose
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sticky bits on disk.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
stop bit received
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
struck by the Good Times virus
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Stubborn processes
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
suboptimal routing experience
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
system consumed all the paper for paging
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
system has been recalled
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
system needs to be rebooted
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
tachyon emissions overloading the system
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
techtonic stress
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Telecommunications is downgrading.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Telecommunications is downshifting.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Telecommunications is upgrading.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Temporal anomaly
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
temporary routing anomaly
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
terrorist activities
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Terrorists crashed an airplane into the server room, have to remove /bin/laden. (rm -rf /bin/laden)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
That would be because the software doesn't work.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The cables are not the same length.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The computer fleetly, mouse and all.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The data on your hard drive is out of balance.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The Dilithium Crystals need to be rotated.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The file system is full of it
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The hardware bus needs a new token.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The kernel license has expired
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The keyboard isn't plugged in
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The MGs ran out of gas.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The monitor is plugged into the serial port
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The monitor needs another box of pixels.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The mouse escaped.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The POP server is out of Coke
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the printer thinks its a router.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The ring needs another token
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the router thinks its a printer.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The rubber band broke
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The salesman drove over the CPU board.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The static electricity routing is acting up...
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The UPS is on strike.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The Usenet news is out of date
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The vendor put the bug there.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
There isn't any problem
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
those damn raccoons!
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Too few computrons available.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Too many interrupts
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Too much radiation coming from the soil.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone. It's not our problem.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
transient bus protocol violation
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Trojan horse ran out of hay
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Typo in the code
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
U.S. Postal Service
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
UBNC (user brain not connected)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Unoptimized hard drive
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
UPS interrupted the server's power
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
user to computer ratio too high.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
user to computer ration too low.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Vendor no longer supports the product
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
vi needs to be upgraded to vii
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
virus attack, luser responsible
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
waste water tank overflowed onto computer
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We're out of slots on the server
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We're upgrading /dev/null
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We've run out of licenses
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We already sent around a notice about that.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We are a 100% Microsoft Shop.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortunately, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We are Microsoft. What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
we just switched to FDDI.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
we just switched to Sprint.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We only support a 1200 bps connection.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We only support a 28000 bps connection.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
We ran out of dial tone and we're waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Well fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Windows 95 undocumented "feature"
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
working as designed
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
wrong polarity of neutron flow
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Yes, yes, its called a design limitation
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You're out of memory
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You did wha... oh _dear_....
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You must've hit the wrong any key.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You need to install an RTFM interface.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
You put the disk in upside down.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your cat tried to eat the mouse.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your modem doesn't speak English.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your packets were eaten by the terminator
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn off your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?))
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
your process is not ISO 9000 compliant
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your processor does not develop enough heat.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!!
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Zombie processes detected, machine is haunted.
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
Zombie processes haunting the computer
-- Simon Travaglia, Bastard Operator From Hell Excuses
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