You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
-- Robin Williams
Online? You kids today...online. Your mom and me, we did lines. We were awake!!!
-- Robin Williams
And you realize you're an alcoholic when you repeat yourself. You realize you're an alcoholic when you repeat yourself. You realize you're an alcoholic...oh.
-- Robin Williams
The only people flying to the Middle East will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?"
-- Robin Williams
Pretty soon it'll be so bad you'll be hearing something like. "I built this cruise missile to stop those damn kids from playin' ZZ Top."
-- Robin Williams
How do you get to the Met? Money, lots and lots of money.
-- Robin Williams
Beer commercials usually have big men, manly men doing manly things: "You just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not a realistic beer commercial like, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
-- Robin Williams
Well, you can't make no butter with a toothpick...
-- Robin Williams
George Bush was in Bigfoot's National Guard unit, same number of sightings.
-- Robin Williams
You want an amendment against same-sex marriage? Anyone who's ever been married knows it's always the same sex.
-- Robin Williams
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams
Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money.
-- Robin Williams
If alcohol is a crutch, then Jack Daniel's is the wheelchair.
-- Robin Williams
Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
-- Robin Williams
"Compassionate Conservative", that's kind of like having a gun rack on a Volvo.
-- Robin Williams
If you remember the 1960s, you didn't live through them.
-- Robin Williams
Carpe per diem: Seize the check.
-- Robin Williams
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
-- Robin Williams
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
-- Robin Williams
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
-- Robin Williams
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
-- Robin Williams
Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
-- Robin Williams
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus.
-- Robin Williams
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
-- Robin Williams
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."
-- Robin Williams
Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...
-- Robin Williams
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
-- Robin Williams
Reality: What a concept!
-- Robin Williams
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
-- Robin Williams
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and yelling, "You want a piece of me?"
-- Robin Williams
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
-- Robin Williams
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
-- Robin Williams
We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
-- Robin Williams
I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.
-- Robin Williams
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
-- Robin Williams
You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheney is drinking water...
-- Robin Williams
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
-- Robin Williams
Comedy is acting out optimism.
-- Robin Williams
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
-- Robin Williams
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
-- Robin Williams
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married say 'It's the same sex all the time.'
-- Robin Williams
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
-- Robin Williams
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
-- Robin Williams
But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be.
-- Robin Williams
Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
-- Robin Williams
Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!
-- Robin Williams
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
-- Robin Williams
The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
-- Robin Williams
When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'
-- Robin Williams
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.
-- Robin Williams
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