I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.
-- Mitch Hedberg
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, don
-- Mitch Hedberg
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
-- Mitch Hedberg
...I want to put a map on a wall and put a pin in all the places I traveled to... First I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it stays on the wall...
-- Mitch Hedberg
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